By Beth Bolthouse, MA, MS, LPC

(Originally published in the Michigan Counseling Association April 2020 Newsletter)

As counselors we are the ones who are the “go to” when others are hurting, stressed, feeling alone, having challenges, going through difficult times.  So what do we do when we are in the midst of a worldwide pandemic that affects not only our clients, but also our family, our friends, and even ourselves.  I’ve found myself the past several weeks working from home, providing care and support to others and realized (after losing sleep and experiencing some irritability) that perhaps I’ve not been applying my own counsel.  Here are some things that have been helpful to reduce my own stress and anxiety levels during these days of COVID-19:

• At the end of the day, take off my professional “hat” and remember I’m a human being with a personal life, including acknowledging the experiencing of day-to-day stressors many others are going through.

• Mindfulness applies to me as well as my clients, therefore be intentional about choosing my focus each morning before getting out of bed, and throughout the day as things unfold.

• Physical activity matters, even if it is getting up and going outside to take in fresh air, walking around the house, taking my dogs out more frequently, or deciding to finally clean out that closet which somehow became filled with miscellaneous storage.

• Journaling isn’t just for clients; it is a great tool for me to express my feelings, thoughts, hopes and help me keep my focus in a good place.

• Spirituality is an important way to maintain a sense of peace and calm, whether it’s through prayer, music, meditation, connecting with a friend online or through a phone call, or watching the YouTube video of a spiritual mentor. 

As we continue making changes in our professional lives to accommodate the needs of our clients, we also can find creative ways to ensure we meet our own personal needs.  Reaching out for emotional support from a trusted friend or colleague can go a long way toward helping us manage our own hearts and heads so we continue to provide meaningful support to those who are hurting.

By Beth Bolthouse

March 16, 2020

It feels like someone in Hollywood found a long-lost episode of

The Twilight Zone and somehow plugged it into an outlet located beneath the surface of the earth. Here we are in 2020, no Rod Serling, no black and white tv, no piano doling out 4 little repetitive notes to warn us of impending danger – yet life feels as though we have been dropped into another type of dimension.

The surrealness of going from the day-to-day mundane routines into the suddenness of anxiety and unknowns as places get closed and stores run out of staples and people isolate with intention feels like something turned the world upside down and no matter how much we all try to get it to turn back right-side-up, we will never be able to.

Tonight, I sit in my recliner watching a press conference instead of welcoming folks into the Monday night grief group that has met regularly for nearly thirteen years. For me, as well as for those who attend often, tonight is a loss. This group is intended for adults whose loved one(s) have died, whether recently or a few years ago. We talk about our grief, share memories, sometimes tears and laughter, and most of all provide encouragement and emotional support to be able to get through the tough times and make it along this journey of grief.

Yet something else has died, too and I am not referring to a human death. Rather life as we knew it a couple weeks ago has ended. And we are grieving this new reality, this unwelcome change, this very real time of additional loss. And as with the changes which are a result of loss, things will never fully go back to the way they used to be.

This loss a type of disenfranchised loss – the kind that is not recognized as a loss, yet we are all grieving in various ways, perhaps not even realizing it. Take the people who raided the toilet paper shelves at every store and online site – perhaps because of the fear and anxiety which accompanies a loss that is not recognized or acknowledged. Or the woman in the checkout line who freaked out because a cashier did not use hand sanitizer before touching her groceries. Or the man who yelled at his child for taking the last bottle of water out of the fridge. These extreme reactions betray the fact that this experience is filled with losses:

• The loss of security
• The loss of safety
• The loss of trust
• The loss of normalcy
• The loss of freedom
• The loss of health
• The loss of stocked shelves
• The loss of confidence
• The loss of answers

(just to name a few)

We as a country, in our communities, as individuals and families are experiencing a

tremendous amount of loss as a result of COVID-19 and not taking time to acknowledge it – which in turn intensifies the grieving we are all doing, and that increases the fear, anxiety and panic that can only take us deeper into negative realities.

So what do we do in response to all this disruption, turmoil, and unknowns?

The first best thing we can do is take a few moments to honestly acknowledge the losses we are all experiencing. To make a mental checklist, or better yet, to write down a list in a notebook or journal. Itemize the losses you are realizing on a daily basis and then add a brief sentence about how they each make you feel. For example:

• Loss of stocked shelves – I feel angry that I am unable to buy toilet paper anywhere and I worry about running out completely.
• Loss of freedom – I feel sad and frustrated that my plans for meeting a friend for coffee are not possible due to this virus.
• Loss of trust – I feel worried and concerned that I do not know who in the media or government is telling the full truth.

Continuing to acknowledge and validate the loss(es) and emotions you experience on a daily basis will most likely accomplish two things: 1) it will release what’s pent up and running through your mind already; 2) it will give you a sense of empowerment that comes from expressing your truth.

The second-best thing we can do is start a gratitude list – each morning write down the good things that have happened in the past 24 hours. Try not to be repetitive; reflect on yesterday and look throughout today for what you would like to include in your list the tomorrow morning. Some examples:

• I’m grateful to be able to see outside while I work from home.
• I’m grateful that Domino’s still has home delivery.
• I’m grateful that I can stay in my PJs while participating in a conference call.
• I’m grateful that we have not run out of toilet paper yet.

The reality in this time, this COVID-19 dimension, is that we will make it through – perhaps looking at life much differently than we ever have before. Yet bottom line we are not a virus – we are human beings capable of managing, maneuvering and navigating the hard and challenging things that life throws at us. Taking time to acknowledge both the losses and the blessings frees us to do what we do best – love each other with meaning and purpose so that when life returns to a type of “usual” we can be stronger than we ever were before this loss.