Going north or going south?

Tonight I feel like a hitchhiker on the highway of life who thought she was headed north (and feeling quite confident of that supposed reality as well), then one little teensy tiny facebook posting turned my head in the southerly direction, with hurricane force winds, and there went the northerly flow of my day.

Why is it so hard to maintain consistency?

I do everything to stay focused, and then when least expected, all it takes is one little facebook post.

At least I can say I’m growing.

For once, instead of reacting with venomous outrage and potentially inappropriate language, I kept it all in my head and typed out a carefully and calculatingly crafted response.  This then engaged additional conversation between myself and a few others in the group (including the author of the original post), but at least I kept my cool…..on the outside.  Definitely in this case the inside of my cup was full of muck and mire.

Why is it so hard to maintain calmness in the face of injustice?

Perhaps that is not only the question but also the answer. 

Injustice always infuriates me.  It makes me want to fight. It makes me want to do things that are not part of my redeemed nature.  I can’t say it isn’t some sort of righteous indignation, because definitely that is involved.  However the type of language circulating around this female brain would not be remotely classified as “righteous.”

When Gary wrote about anger, he included Psalm 4:4 as the voice of God, telling us “don’t sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent.” 

Respond.

Don’t react.

Think silently.

Don’t lash out in venomous rage.

Be calm.

And your blood pressure won’t shoot through the roof, bringing down a few stars in its wake.

Now, an hour or more later, I’m calmer, the blood pressure is pretty much back to normal, and I can take a moment to process all that happened. 

Truth be told, the remark on facebook was a trigger – a huge ginormous trigger on the scale of prehistoric sea monsters.  It’s one of those things still hanging around below the water line.  And tonight it raised its head above the surface, gazed at the exposed iceberg of things I am aware of, and connected with my conscious thinking about stuff I don’t like to think about.

Therein is the dilemma.

Do I choose to go north, let God bring that ugly hurt and past pain to the surface so He can foster caring compassionate healing?  Or do I go south, stuffing it all back under the water never to be seen again…until something else triggers it.

I suppose the choice is clear.

Northern territories await.

Back on the highway, with my thumb out for a ride on God’s path for my life, looking forward to the healing ahead.